APOLOGY BLOG re: New Years Resolution Rehab

(2nd 2013 blog and already apologizing, tsk, tsk.)

As a freshly minted, newly committed blog writer, I decided my approach would be quick and painless. Write it up, spit it out (Jack Kerouac free-flow style), attach a pic, send it hyper-speed, and get’er done. I don’t plan to change this style as it suits me (I also love parentheses, in case you missed that), however, I suspect I’ll have a few regrets. Like right now: 

I--apologize--for--my--very--first--blog--on--New--Year’s--Resolutions. Why?

1)   Those were not resolutions—they were gripes.

2)   Even as “gripes” they sucked. They are horribly shallow, predictable (bordering on cliché) and pretty much meaningless.

First of all, in 2013, who (besides perhaps legions of 16 year old girls) makes resolutions to lose weight? Really, by 40, have we not figured it out yet? LAME. I very much would love to lose five more pounds, but that’s only because I see myself naked. Most people don’t. Truth is, in clothes, who cares? I have two perfectly good, strong legs, and everything else works just fine too. Enough already.

Second, patience is a great thing to strive for, but it is not a resolution. It is a character trait or even a philosophy, but not a resolution. Counting to 10 before I bark at my children is a resolution. Deciding to stop my big-yap mid-F-bomb whilst driving behind some putter-head is a resolution. Breathing deeply when my husband routinely screws up my three-item grocery list is a resolution. BTW: all three of the aforementioned resolutions would serve me. Noted.

Third, hitting it out of the park is not a resolution. It is a fantasy, and according to all the greats, not something to strive for. Strive for excellence. Strive for knowledge. Strive for the career you love (…talk about cliché). But do not strive for a windfall. That’s like saying, “this year I plan to win the lottery.” Ridiculous. Childish.

Meditate more, and moderate sugar/coffee/wine intake, are both resolutions; but, they’re sloppy at best. I can do better.

Thus, I apologize for my former crap resolutions that, I’m quite certain, were inspiring to no one. I also apologize for wasting three minutes of your time (for slow readers, five). Now that I have actually given this some thought, I stand a much better chance of making the improvements I seek and maybe even sticking to my NY's rezos. Who are we if we’re not growing and striving? Lemme answer that, BORING. Pass on that.

Because we do it all for them.

Without further ado, here are my newly revised, carefully considered, New Year’s Resolutions. Just in the knick of time, as January is coming to a close and it is time to get cracking. Fingers crossed this shit works.

     Because we do it all for them.

     Because we do it all for them.

1)   Meditate 5 minutes every night before bed—seated so as not to fall asleep.

2)   Do my morning notes (re: Artist’s Way given to me by a dear friend) every single day but Sunday, maybe skip Saturday too, but that’s it!

3)   Apres notes, ask the universe for what I want, ex/ an answer to a question, clarity, direction, motivation, whatevs.

4)   Apres request, offer the universe a present: today I will … something relevant/ doable that makes life better/easier for everyone.

5)   Do the above 3 rezos in 30-40 minutes max. Wake up earlier to do this (vs. getting my kids to school 30 minutes late J duh!)

6)   Give myself 10 extra minutes Mon—Fri to spend in a.m. with kids. Actually spend that 10 minutes w/ kids vs. on email.

7)   Stop over-analyzing. Let things go quickly. How? Replace useless head-speak loop with something useful. End the suffering. Figure out what that useful mantra is via #3.

8)   I was going to say “stop gossiping”, but I actually get paid to gossip—I am a reality TV producer after all. Soooooo, outside work: 'think it, don’t say it' (bad people are fair game, however) and don’t think it for long. Just look at it and let it pass. Who cares?!

9)   Laugh really really loud (as in shockingly loud) when my kids do something innocently wrong that would normally aggravate me (the shock-laugh will jolt my system out of bad habits). Proceed to lighten up with kids, discipline and the whole mother dynamic.

10) Smile and wave boys, smile and wave. Be more like the Madagascar penguins. They’re cool.

339 days and counting…

STOP THE PRESS! Just watched “The Last Text” a 10 minute documentary-short (sponsored by AT&T), bawled my damn eyes out and have one final resolution: TO NEVER EVER TEXT AND DRIVE OR READ MY PHONE WHILE DRIVING! Watch it!