Scared *#@&%less

Good Morning -- Welcome to my first "realityjane" post.

First I answer some questions, my own (I'm needing a confidence boost and a little clarity):
Yes, I've written a book.
No, it's not self-published.
Yes, someone actually "invested" in me; he's called a publisher.
Yes, he's real and not a figment of my imagination (I have the physical, and very real, book to prove it).
Yes, I'm a complete book-writing novice (less so now that I've published my first book).
Yes, I love using parenthesis (significantly less so in my book, in case you find it annoying).
No, I'm not drunk.
Yes, I'm scared.

"Why?" you ask, "...why when the hard work is done, and I should be coasting on my deliciously popular laurels, am I scared?"

Let me tell you:
A) There's nothing delicious about my laurels, so lame analogy self, seriously. And popular? Hmm...
B) Scared doesn't begin to describe it.
C) Coast shmoast!

Yes, writing the actual book was very challenging. Actually writing it wasn't so bad (believe it or not), it was re-writing it, then re-writing it again, editing it (over and over and over and wrestling with forks to be used to poke my eyeballs out), then finding an agent (500 kiss-ass letters later), then breaking up with said agent, having a few babies, and finding another agent (this time only about 50 kiss-ass letters), then finding a publisher, then figuring out the contracts and finally giving up and saying "so you're going to print this? Like, with YOUR money? Fab, my work here is done." Then realizing my work isn't near done and here I am with what is actually a very good book (as far as chick-lit goes) and wondering how the hell do I turn this into my very own "Devil Wears Prada"! Like seriously, HOW DO I DO THAT?

The fact is I'm scared. I'm scared that I won't even sell 500 copies. I'm scared people will think it sucks. I'm scared that this little reality TV romp is a little too close to home. No, Jane is not me, but we have a lot in common and her experiences (though fictional!) are based on versions I've seen, heard, imagined, then tossed in the brain-spin-cycle for something deliciously (there's that word again, I'm hungry, it's 6 a.m.) embellished and fun to read. I'm scared of being vulnerable and people knowing too much. Sad as it may sound, reality TV (to date) has been a big part of my life, it's my career and where I've made a lot of my money, that has since become my home/clothes/stuff/vacations and played a big role in making the whole Shanni world (two kids and a hub) go around. That book is a glimpse inside my head and how I think. Now the world gets a glimpse at that proprietary information -- if they so choose to look/read -- and that freaks me out! I guess I'm really actually quite private. And I'm about to be judged, big-time. Ahhhhhhhhh!

I'm just feeling a little naked right now. Beyond the jitters, I have a big job to do and I'm not sure where to start. The media list I have (thanks to a generous friend) is positively enormous and daunting and how do I reach those crusty journalists? How do I convince them to care about my book, the launch, me? And do I really want them to? Do I want anyone to read this? Dammit, it's so good and private and crazy, maybe I don't! My publisher would kill me for saying that. Read it, no seriously, read it for godsakes.

Yikes!!! Yikes again!!! I'm scared. That's alls I can says...